If you are concerned in anyway that he might act on these feelings and thoughts then you must seek medical help/advice. If you feel he needs to talk to someone then he can call the Samaritans. You might also want to get a copy of Ruth Fidler’s new book – Can I Tell You About Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome? It might not be something that he’s interested in reading just yet but it would be handy to have it on standby for when he is ready. The trick is to get him to a place where he sees that difference as a positive. As children we often experience some very adult emotions and feelings, especially when it comes to realising we are different. I know that might sound odd but those feelings are very real to him and simply telling him that he shouldn’t feel that way isn’t going to help. Make sure he understands that he’s not alone and that it’s okay/not wrong to feel the way he does. Try to focus on the positives as much as the negatives. Keep it positive though and try to avoid using sentences like “there’s something wrong with you”. My advice to you would be to talk to your son about PDA as soon as you think he’s ready to know. Even though I was very much loved as a child and my mum did her very best she didn’t know about PDA so therefore the strategies she, and others, used were the wrong ones. I think it was partly down to feelings of guilt over my actions and behaviour, feeling like a freak who couldn’t fit in and huge issues with feeling like a failure but I also think that the way I was “mismanaged” for such a long time played a big part in these feelings of worthlessness. I’ve had similar feelings myself, especially as a child. To answer the last part of your question all I can say is that feelings like this are pretty common for people with PDA. I can now hold back from swearing if I’m around someone who finds it offensive or if I’ve only just met them so I guess that’s the only positive I can give you – I’ve learnt to monitor it, but this isn’t the case when I’m angry I’m afraid. f*ck me that cake was nice or that was a f*cking good film – I do this without even realising it. I use swear words not just in anger but as descriptive words to add emphasis to something, ie. I know this doesn’t make it okay but a lot of people with an ASD swear more than I would say is the norm, especially those with PDA. I don’t really know what to suggest for strategies to help reduce the swearing – remember any suggestion of “let’s try and use a different word instead” might be met with avoidance. I would tell teachers, and just about everyone else, to f*ck off, for example. I think it started before I started school with the odd word but as I matured the swearing increased. 💜 Yes I did, and still do, swear an awful lot and not just in anger or meltdown. Karen – Did you swear much as an 11/12 yr old in anger? If so, any suggestions as to try and reduce it? Also, my son is often talking about killing himself and wishing he was dead, do you have any advice that can help with his low self-esteem?įirstly huge hugs to you Karen. Perhaps you could ask your doctor to refer him to see an Occupational Therapist? This is something I’m looking into for myself too. I don’t really know what to suggest regarding how you can help your son because I’ve never had any help myself for this side of things. It all depends on how my anxiety levels are at the time. Oddly enough though I can’t bear it when people invade my personal space, like in busy public places when they stand/sit too close but this also sometimes happens when people I know well sit too close. Paul has to wingle (my word for tickle) my feet every night before I can get to sleep. I can’t remember if I complained about people bumping into me as a result of this but I would imagine that I did because, at times, I do that now.
This question made me smile – not because it’s funny but because it could have been written about me! As a child I was very “in your face” – I had no concept of personal space and was always invading other people’s.
AUTISM MELTDOWN SWEARING HOW TO
Do you have this tendency too? I am not quite sure how to help him with this – the “there, there” approach doesn’t work at all!! He is always complaining about being bumped when no one else has seen it but he gets too close. Nicola – My son seems to have an issue with personal space. I know it’s only been a few days since I posted up part 5 but I had such an amazing response when I asked for questions that a part 6 was a must! I’m currently working on a part 7 too! WARNING: contains swearing.
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